Can't Breastfeed No Milk Guilt

by Jayna

I gave birth to my son 5 weeks ago today and through the entire pregnancy could not wait to breastfeed my baby.

When the time came and he was born, he latched on immediately at the hospital for the first time and I could not have been happier.

Then came the next feeding at the hospital and he latched on for a min and then screamed and screamed and refused to latch on again.

I asked a nurse for help who tried a couple of positions with me (non of which took) and then said I should change his diaper and try again and left the room with no intentions of returning.

I was left in a room with my screaming baby as a first time mom and had no idea what to do but keep trying.

The horrible guilt set in at that moment when I was unable to provide for my baby and he was screaming in hunger.

I tried and tried and he refused to latch, spending hours with him at my breast screaming, but I was determined that this was going to work out. We took him home the next day and I sat on our couch with him for an entire day working with him on breastfeeding, he still would not take to the breast.

At this point I had no idea what to do, all I knew is that my baby was starving and I could not provide any milk. I attempted to pump and found I was barely producing any milk for him.

Eventually I broke down and gave him some formula and he gobbled it down and fell right to sleep satisfied. So I thought I would supplement with formula and keep working on breastfeeding but he never took, spending all his time at the breast screaming his little lungs out for hours.

The guilt was overwhelming at the time and I would just sit and cry. I attempted to look for support online but everything made me feel worse, with sites telling me I am just lazy and wont work hard enough at it, making me feel even more less of a mom.

I am happy to have found this site. Today I have made the decision to stop attempting to breastfeed.

My milk supply is so low that I cant even produce 1oz and I return to work in 2 weeks. My baby is healthy and thriving. He has been gaining weight like he should and is a happy baby boy :)

I realized that all I can ask for and even though the guilt is still there I have accepted the fact that breastfeeding did not work for me with this child and that I was formula fed as a baby and I am as healthy as I can be so why cant my son?

If you are having problems with breastfeeding or are unable to please don't let the guilt and depression cloud and consume those precious moments with your baby.

I was not able to enjoy some of those moments and I regret that. The most important thing is that your baby is being fed, growing and happy :)

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