Heart-broken, broken boobs but don't know why.
I will always mourn that I will never know what that is like :( to exclusively feed a baby with my own breast milk. I am on my second and both times I produce only drops of milk and no one can tell me why.
I am so sick of reading about 'how rare it is' it makes me feel like a freak of nature. My breasts look completely normal, my thyroid is normal. I've seen doctors, lactation specialists, done EVERYTHING to see if my supply could be increased and there's no effect.
It makes me angry that no one can tell me why this is happening. I don't know why but I just want to know why they don't work. I feel like not knowing why adds to the frustration because when I say I've tried everything and I can't make milk the first thing people respond with is "Well have you tried...' YES, YES I HAVE.
I have tried all the tips, pills, herbs, pumps, lactation teas/cookies, feeding every hour all hour, I HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING. Just leave me alone and accept my diagnosis. How can I come to terms with this when no one will even believe me until I explain my story in full.
Even worse my baby was 'nursing' before her bottlefeeds so that we could at least simulate that relationship...but now that she is 4 months old she's figured out that it is pointless and just wants to go straight to the bottle.
So now she just screams when I try to 'breastfeed' even if I give her some food first, try when she is sleepy. I tried finding information on nursing strikes but it's all geared to women that actually have a milk supply...there's no information on ending a nursing strike for women like me who are incapable of producing even a third of my baby's needs.
Anyway, I am so heart broken. I just don't understand why I'm broken this way. WHy can't I do this when I want to so badly?!?! Everything else in life I can achieve if I just work really hard...but this is the one exception. I can't do anything about it. Thanks for reading my rant.