Heart-broken, broken boobs but don't know why.

I will always mourn that I will never know what that is like :( to exclusively feed a baby with my own breast milk. I am on my second and both times I produce only drops of milk and no one can tell me why.

I am so sick of reading about 'how rare it is' it makes me feel like a freak of nature. My breasts look completely normal, my thyroid is normal. I've seen doctors, lactation specialists, done EVERYTHING to see if my supply could be increased and there's no effect.

It makes me angry that no one can tell me why this is happening. I don't know why but I just want to know why they don't work. I feel like not knowing why adds to the frustration because when I say I've tried everything and I can't make milk the first thing people respond with is "Well have you tried...' YES, YES I HAVE.

I have tried all the tips, pills, herbs, pumps, lactation teas/cookies, feeding every hour all hour, I HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING. Just leave me alone and accept my diagnosis. How can I come to terms with this when no one will even believe me until I explain my story in full.

Even worse my baby was 'nursing' before her bottlefeeds so that we could at least simulate that relationship...but now that she is 4 months old she's figured out that it is pointless and just wants to go straight to the bottle.

So now she just screams when I try to 'breastfeed' even if I give her some food first, try when she is sleepy. I tried finding information on nursing strikes but it's all geared to women that actually have a milk supply...there's no information on ending a nursing strike for women like me who are incapable of producing even a third of my baby's needs.

Anyway, I am so heart broken. I just don't understand why I'm broken this way. WHy can't I do this when I want to so badly?!?! Everything else in life I can achieve if I just work really hard...but this is the one exception. I can't do anything about it. Thanks for reading my rant.

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May 15, 2015
I am in the same boat
by: Anonymous

I too had milk supply issues with my son. I had only planned on breast feeding and it was devastating when it didn't work out.

I too was pumping at every opportunity and taking all the supplements but nothing helped. Rather than a bottle, I actually breast fed with a supplemental nursing system which is a bottle with a tube taped to my nipple so that baby is getting topped up with formula at the breast and not getting frustrated at the lack of supply. At the time, I felt like a freak doing it - like I needed a prosthetic breast to breast feed. So when my son was 3 months, I changed to bottle feeding.

I read a book called 'a breastfeeding mothers guide to making more milk' which I cannot recommend highly enough'. Not only is it full of useful advice for mothers in our situation, it really does make you feel not so alone as it genuinely accepts this as an actual condition and relays stories of other women in our situation. I then felt ready to move on to try again with baby number two and was proud of my efforts with my son and told myself this time I would SNS feed right up until baby was ready to wean - only now it's been four years of trying and 10 IVF attempts and I can't produce baby number two.

I really just want the breast feeding experience without the devastation I associated with it first time around and don't know that I will get the opportunity again. So I totally understand and just want to say you are not alone.

May 21, 2015
Love your way
by: Lisa

Hun, there are some mums that no matter how hard they try can't breastfeed, please stop beating your self up over it, you carried your dear child for 10 months, breastfeeding isn't everything you are nurturing your child and at the end of the day that is what is important

Jul 21, 2015
Feeling your pain
by: Anonymous

I still have tears in my eyes reading this because I am where you were.

This is my second child and I just don't or can't produce enough milk to satisfy her.

It sounds silly saying it aloud. My head knows that she'll be content with formula but my heart is just breaking.

She'll nurse and at least this time I have a letdown. I never letdown with my son. But she'll always look for more and cry afterwards.

I did have a breast augmentation under the muscle and I'm always blaming the surgery, but most sites will tell you the mammary tissue is still there.

In the hospital my baby gained weight from nursing and and I was so glad to have a chance, but it was false hope.

I wish there was an answer for us. I wish I didn't care but I do. I wish I could pump for weeks and have a bank, but I can't.

So I'm stuck spending money on powered formula.
I know how it feels. I know since it's my second attempt, it will hurt less over time, but I am never putting myself through this again.

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