I didnt know how much it meant to me till i didnt have a choice.

by Taty

I am HIV positive. This is the first time admitting this online. I just had a happy baby girl two months ago, this is my second little girl. The first is healthy and - I breast fed her the first 6 months of life, but my point is when I was pregnant and HIV positive with my second child in the beginning I didn’t know what an emotional roller coaster I was actually in for, but let me start from the beginning..

I had my first child in 08 after months of people asking , doctors and WIC staff .I made a decision to breastfeed my 1st born, I had the hardest time with her latching properly with sore nipples and while she was nursing she seemed to not get enough and not want to let go after constantly falling asleep while nursing.

I stopped nursing April 2nd the day my grandma came to get her to leave state because I could not afford child care and would not leave her with strangers. Fast forward… my husband and found out we were HIV positive and later that I’m pregnant I honestly thought breast feeding would be the least of my worries.

I am HIV + and the mom of a 2 yr old and a 2 mth old both girls. I b/f my oldest till she was six months with the first six weeks being almost exclusive, she had 2 or 3 bottles during that stage because of frustration.

We had so many problems during that stage trouble latching on, pore milk production ,"the first 4 days", falling asleep at the breast and not letting go when done nursing which caused me to believe she wasn’t getting enough. Sore nipples, over production of milk causing her to choke.

Lumps of fat around the outside of breast and the list goes on. She never did learn how to properly latch but we worked it out in our way what ever work for you and your child doesn’t always have to be text book. I went back to work when she hit 6 weeks our bond was strong, but she eventually preferred the bottle and it didn’t matter to her if it was b/m or formula in it. She just wanted to eat at this time working, parenting and sleep deprivation I was full of complaints I said to myself I wouldn’t do that again.

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