It is not your fault

by alicia
(new york)

I too have had these issues with breast-feeding. I feel sorrow for anyone that has dealt with this. I read all of the articles here and I felt like maybe with my first born, Adam, that i should have tried longer... I tried for one week.

The hospital stay was good up until the second day, in the morning as i was preparing to leave. I tried yet again to pump and ended up with half an ounce from both breasts, on a double pump. The nurse kindly brought me a bottle and some formula for him when I began to cry because of feeling so inadequate.

I got home and began the most grueling week ever... I had gotten him some colostrum in the first day and a half in the hospital but thats about all he got through the entire process.

I pumped a lot at home and also tired to just have him at my breast for more than an hour each time. The first three nights at home i got literally no sleep. I was hallucinating from the sleep deprived state I was in.

My mother saw me and knew how long it had been since I had slept. She watched him that day while I took a long nap. I woke up with some clarity and decided that i would try until it had been a week and then i would stop.

The breast-feeding lady at the hospital told me three too four days and my milk would come. Well it never did and I tried just as hard the rest of the week but while sleeping this time... I just couldn't. I had to use formula. I had fully depended on my own body to be enough to nourish my baby. It just did not work out that way.

Adam just turned 3 last week and he is the smartest little boy I have ever seen. Do not let anyone tell you bottle feeding is not just as effective as breast. I am currently 4 months pregnant with my second child and I may try to breastfeed and I may not and it is my decision.

My hubbys family cannot stop asking and I told them that I think I will give it a shot one more time but I also told them my story and they seem understanding of it... Of course I feel a little odd about even talking to my mother in law due to the fact that she breast-fed my brother in law until he was five... yeah. But it is our choice as women to choose what we do with our baby and no one deserves to go through these all of these emotions just after giving birth.

It is not fair to ourselves or our newborn or anyone else around us. It is an unhealthy state of mind to be. I have learned a lot from my experience and I say give it a shot. If it doesn't work out, it just doesn't; that is what there is an alternative for.

There should be more information on this subject available. And no one should be ridiculed for this problem. It is not your fault. I wish you the best!

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