Mother of eight...

by Kerry
(Missouri)

I have been a mother 8 times and not one of them were I able to breastfeed. I was completely devastated each and every time but never as much. As I was three years ago when my son Joshua was born two months early. I remember the nurses in the NICU asking me every day if I had brought my milk in for them to tube feed my precious tiny newborn son. I felt so terrible trying to explain over and over again that no matter what I did I just couldn't produce more than a few drops of milk.

I would cry every time I tried and I always felt like a failure. Not only couldn't I keep him inside me long enough but my body couldn't feed him either.

I felt like I had let him down in every possible way! I wanted to be the one that gave him everything he needed to grow strong and healthy and I had failed. Not once but twice. I wish the nurses could have understood that I was trying too. They placed a crib card on my son's bed that read "thanks mom for breastfeeding me". I went home that day and cried for an hour. I think my depression over this will never really go away. But I have a beautiful 3 year old who is healthy and happy and really as his mom that's all that matters!