really want to breast feed and cannot.
Thank you, all of you, so much. I cannot tell you what it means to have other women who've experienced this share your stories and support! Everywhere I look I see stories about how you must breast feed and you can do it and don't give up too fast. But nothing to support mom's like me who really want to breast feed and cannot.
Our little girl was feeding for hours straight and screaming in hunger immediately afterward. It got to the place she didn't even want to be near me. So we tried so hard to pump to at least give her milk that way. After a month of pumping, massage, herbs, beer, lactation cookies, etc... still only making maybe 4 oz a day. We had to give up.
The guilt of knowing how much better breast milk is and thinking well I am producing I can't give up, is unbearable. Everyone looks at me like I'm lazy and don't care about my little girl. But the reality is that it was like trying to feed two babies to get up for pumping and to care for her. And she finally looks healthy. She is finally gaining weight on formula not losing. She is finally happy and let's me hold her and care for her again. That's what really matters.
I am still dealing with terrible guilt and heart wrenching depression that brings me to tears and makes me question my decision. Reading these really helps me to remember I am doing what's best for her and it's ok.