second attempt at Breastfeeding.
This was my second attempt at Breastfeeding. With my first daughter she was not gaining weight and seemed really withdrawn and I never seemed to express more than an ounce so I gave up after 3 weeks which really broke my heart.
The help was great whilst I was BF but when I stopped, everyone dissapeared leaving me feel like and utter failure and extremely depressed. I wanted to breastfeed so much and I don't think I will ever get over it.
My 1st daughter is nearly 4 now and I have just given birth to another beautiful little girl just 4 months ago so I really thought this time it would be different, I got as much help before hand, got all the info, I was totally ready ( or so I thought ).
After 8 weeks, I switched to formula as she lost weight, then only gained so gradually that she too started to look withdrawn and she was stuck to me like glue.
She never settled and with all the expressing, BF, anxiety and trying to look after my 3 1/2 year old, I was left with no choice but to supplement her with formula.
Once again, the help was great when I was BF but no support what so ever when I decided to stop.
I still continued to put her to my breast as I could not bare to let her go so I have been doing this for 4 months now, but today is the first day I have completely stopped and I am now feeling so scared that the previous feelings of failure and depression will return.
I know that Breast milk does not guarantee that I will be an amazing mum but it means more to me than anyone will ever know. I love my babies and I really wanted to give them the best that I could. I feel like I could burst into tears every time I see another mum breastfeeding their baby.
I really wish there was some type of chat room that mothers of similar feelings could chat together, I feel this would really help and let mums know that they are not alone.
I'm so sorry to all the mums that feel this way and I just want to let you know you are definitely not alone with your feelings.
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