Breastfeeding and Intimacy

The topic of breastfeeding and sex can bring out all types of issues, insecurities,  and excuses why Mom and Dad can't be intimate.

You need to adapt your sex life around your new mommy and daddy routines.

Many mothers are concerned about the following:

  • That their breast milk will leak during intercourse, 
  • That they have a low libido during breastfeeding, 
  • And also worry what their breasts will look like after breastfeeding.

After birth and during breastfeeding, a mother's body goes through many hormonal changes, which can put a lot of strain on her relationship with her partner. The partner may also have unanswered questions. The best way to approach these issues is for the couple to share the way they feel.

I'm Not in the Mood

Causes of low sex drive during breastfeeding.

  • She might feel physically sensitive or overstimulated, in which case she feels that she doesn't want anyone touching her.
  • She might notice a decrease in vaginal lubrication, which can cause pain during sex.
  • She might eject or leak milk during sex.
Sex and breastfeeding

Milk Ejection during Lovemaking

Why do some women eject milk during lovemaking?

The hormone Oxytocin is responsible for the milk letdown reflex and is also released during lovemaking. Oxytocin is often referred to as the love hormone since it is also responsible for a woman feeling as if she wants to be cuddled, or feeling as if she wants to cuddle her baby.

Some couples feel excited when this happens, while others do not feel comfortable with it at all. A mother can consider wearing a bra and breast pads during sex, or she can breastfeed her baby before lovemaking.

Breastfeeding and Sex

Vaginal Dryness and Breastfeeding

Vaginal Dryness Breastfeeding Advice

Does the vaginal dryness indicate that my libido is low?

No, not at all. Estrogen levels are low during breastfeeding and can cause some dryness. There are vaginal lubricants that can be used during these times. KY Jelly, Astroglide, and Replens are some products made specially for this purpose.

Breastfeeding and Sex

Don't Touch Me!

Why do I feel like I don’t want anyone touching me?

Sometimes when a mother breastfeeds her baby around the clock, she may feel as if she is touched too often. All you need to do is let your partner know what it is you want, and how you want it! ;-)

Breastfeeding and sex can work harmoniously together. Just give it a shot.

Saggy Breasts?

Are my breasts going to become saggy from breastfeeding?

Most of the changes in your breasts cannot be blamed on breastfeeding, but pregnancy itself.

sex and breastfeeding

A low Libido

Low libido breastfeeding advice

Does breastfeeding decrease a woman's libido?

Not everyone’s libido while breastfeeding is the same. Research shows that half of all mothers who breastfeed have an increased sexual desire during breastfeeding. On the other hand, other mothers say that they have a low libido and no desire whatsoever.

Low estrogen in a breastfeeding mother is what prevents ovulation. It also decreases the desire for sex and increases vaginal dryness.

Other Contributing Factors

Other factors that can contribute to feeling like you don’t want to have sex during breastfeeding

  • Too tired to have sex? Being tired, especially if your baby is not sleeping right through the night.
  • Sex is not always possible due to time restraints; Mom and Dad are busy all the time.
  • Feeling emotionally spent on your children.
  • Sometimes birth can also cause a thinning of membranes in the vaginal area, which can be very uncomfortable during sex.
  • Pain due to childbirth and headaches from lack of sleep can also contribute. (Hee hee, the infamous headache excuse!)
  • Mothers don't feel sexy because of saggy skin and stretch marks, and most are conscious about some extra fat!

"Mom, give yourself a break. Stop worrying about getting your body into shape. It will happen. Take it slow!"

Breastfeeding and Sex
A Few Tips

Successful sex and breastfeeding tips

  • Try other positions. If your breasts are sore or swollen, it could help to consider the spooning position or hands-and-knees position.
  • If you dislike your partner touching your breasts, let him know about it.
  • Communicate with your partner, and let him know how you are feeling.
  • Know that your sex drive will come back again!

What if you are co-sleeping with Baby?

How to have a sexual relationship when co-sleeping

It’s tough to concentrate on your lovemaking when your baby is sleeping right next to you, waiting to interrupt just when things are finally warming up. Mom and Dad need to maybe find a different room when the occasion arises ;-)

Also, another solution could be to get a “side bed" for baby to sleep in. These are placed right next to the bed and Baby will be just an arm's reach away.

Learn more about co-sleeping.

Alternative Intimacy Ideas

Finally, if you just can’t seem to bring yourself to have sex, then try to find other ways of being intimate, such as:

  • Taking a bath together.
  • Hug as often as you can.
  • Get somebody to look after your baby at least once a month, so that you and your partner can go out to dinner or the movies.
  • Make food together.
  • Watch a movie at home while your baby is taking a nap.

More info about breastfeeding after sexual abuse

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